Becoming A Parent: How Having Kids Has Changed Me

How many of us have heard the old axiom “having kids changes everything”? Of course you have. It’s chanted by young parents in that annoying, condescending voice that all childless twentysomethings secretly despise. As a childless twentysomething myself, I can remember hearing this one from friends, family, random strangers, and thinking “Give me a break; get off your cross”, but now, standing on the other side, I will say that this common parental mantra isn’t a complaint or an act of superiority-doused condescension…it’s just the darned truth. I always assumed that by “everything”, new parents meant that their sleep schedules, habits, etc were altered, and don’t get me wrong, they are, but I think the bigger point to consider is that having kids changes people in a very personal way, and everyone reacts to it differently. I don’t think that I could have predicted the biggest and most fundamental effects it’s had on me.

I'm even shooshing Brendan! lol.

1. I’m a Quieter, Gentler Me
No one who knows me would describe me as quiet. In fact, anyone reading this who knows me is probably in cardiac arrest at the mere suggestion of me becoming more docile. Someone send an ambulance. Truthfully though, having the boys around makes me want to channel my inner monk. I don’t know what it is; maybe it’s that babies make enough noise at is without me contributing, but I have been so much more relaxed in my behavior since we got home from the hospital. It’s not that I don’t get worked up and loud, it’s just that it happens less often and over fewer things. I guess maybe I worry that the boys will sense my agitation and reciprocate with a little agitation—the last thing this household needs—so I just try to keep it mellow in the hopes that they will return the favor. So, in short, I’m not saying that my award winning moral outrages or high volume tirades are entirely gone, but expect to see them as far less regular visitors.

2. I Don’t Procrastinate
I was the queen of procrastination. 95% of the time things got done on time, but by the skin of my teeth and not without a few sleepless nights. But since November 16th? Forget about it. Almost from the minute we came home, I found myself doing things the minute I got a free…well…minute. The bills? Paid on time. My report card comments for work? Done the earliest they have been in four years of teaching. The dishes? Never sitting in the sink for more than 24 hours. Before babies, I could afford to put things off. If I came home with four hours of grading to do, I knew that I could wait until 7pm to start it. Nothing was going to just come up to prevent me from working on it from 7pm until 11pm straight. Now? If I don’t do the dishes while one baby is napping in the swing and my husband is holding the other baby, when will I do them? I can’t guarantee that another hands-free opportunity will present itself, so I’m forced to seize every free moment and get things done as soon as the opportunity presents itself. I’m really impressed with my ability to kick procrastination to the curb; I just wish I’d done it years ago.

3. I Maintain “Routines”
I always hated the idea of “routines”.  I never understood why people always went to the gym at the same time every single day, or had an order for their morning grooming activities. I just did things as needed, when they made sense, and when I had time. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever had a standard routine when it comes to any aspect of my life. But now, much for the same reason that I’ve stopped procrastinating, routines have begun to dominate my life. When I wake up, I go through the same steps in the same order to get the morning feeding ready, set up my breast pump, grab the remotes, and get the baby on his bottle. After he’s done? I get him down in the pack n play for a few minutes while I wash dishes and eat breakfast. At night? I put the boys to bed after consuming the same amount of formula every night, and once they’re down I do dishes and then sit on the couch and drink a single beer. It’s so routine it’s scary. Sometimes the beer is a glass of chocolate milk, but that’s about as “wild” as it gets.

Now you may be thinking “but I already do all of those things, so therefore this whole parenting changes you things is totally not applicable to me”, but I believe that everyone has their own reactionary changes that they will experience that can be neither predicted nor prepared for. I’d say the same is even true of grandparents. I don’t think my father, who has always been a serious workaholic, had any idea that he would adore being a grandparent as much as he does. I’ve honestly hardly ever seen him value something so much in my entire life and, heck, I’m his daughter.

So, yes, the axiom is true, and I’m sure all my friends without kids who bemoaned the breeders with me at this time last year are all like “you’ve betrayed us! Traitor!”. But changed doesn’t necessarily mean improved, and it certainly doesn’t mean that other life events don’t also have a monumental impact. This is just one of those life events, and once you’re there, I think you’ll be surprised at what you look like in the vestments of parenthood. I know I am.