Soothing in the Fourth Trimester

Malcolm showing some serious fussiness at 2.5 weeks old

Harvey Karp, the man who brought us The Happiest Baby on the Block, refers to the first three months of life as "the fourth trimester". The idea is that babies shouldn't really be born at 40 weeks. They're not ready to be in the world, and therefore you have to artificial simulate some elements of the uterus as soothing methods for them, for example constriction and white noise. I found this concept to be true, and it guided a lot of the ways that we soothed the boys.

That being said, a lot of soothing is just trial and error. Different babies respond to different things, what works today may not work tomorrow, and what works for one type of upset-ness is just not going to work for a different kind. That's why I think it's important to have a long list of strategies in your pocket. While it will only further confuse and upset a baby to switch super quickly between different soothing methods with the speed of an AK-47, there's also something to be said for abandoning a strategy that isn't working after a few minutes in exchange for something else.

While they might not work for you or your baby, here are some of the soothing methods my husband and I kind of accidentally stumbled into during the first trimester. Some of them we got from books/online, but a lot of them were just kind of "I wonder if this would work".

Malcolm with his paci at 3.5 weeks

• Using the Pacifier: I always wanted to avoid the pacifier, but it was so helpful in the first two months. Now, a 3.5 months, we hardly use them at all because the boys have found their hands, but prior to them making this developmental step, the pacifier was an excellent soothing technique. To add more tension to the paci, we put our fingers inside of the nipple part, which the boys seemed to like.
• Shushing: Sometimes the boys get in a crying circle from which they seemingly cannot remove themselves. In cases like this, shushing at a rather high volume usually helped to remind them that they weren't really that upset. You have to shush rather loudly though or else their own crying drowns your shushing out.
• Baby Wearing: Putting the boys in the baby carrier on our chest was often useful for soothing their nighttime fussiness. It gives them the warmth, constriction, and sound of your heartbeat that they miss from the uterus. Also, it gives you the chance to get something done because it's a hands-free way to soothe.
• Running Water: Sitting in the bathroom with the shower running or standing in the kitchen with the sink running helps to soothe because of the white noise, and since they were usually pretty congested, I imagine the steam helped them, too.
• Putting the Baby Down: For some reason, our boys would sometimes stop crying when we put them on their changing table. In the third month, it was clear that sometimes they were tired of being held and wanted to be in their swing/bouncer/gym, but that probably wasn't true in those early weeks. They just wanted people warmth at that point.
• Using the Car Seats: My boys loved their carseats, the car, and their snap n go stroller. Going for a walk while in their car seats in the snap n go, just going for a soothing drive, or even just getting strapped into their seats and then being kind of swung back and forth in the middle of the living room was like baby Ambien.
• Patting Their Backs: I imagine this works because babies are gassy, but in the second and third month, putting the babies in my lap on their tummies and then patting their backs was helpful in soothing them. I'd sometimes do this for half an hour with their arms draped over my thigh. Of course, you can't do this at first because they just don't have the neck control, but once they did it was nice.
• Bouncing them on my Knee/Thigh: I was one of those ADHD kids who rapidly bounced their leg up and down during class to the point where other students would firmly grab me knee, halting my neurotic shaking and say concretely, "stop". Little did I know that this nervous tick would help with parenting. Once the boys had decent neck control (after 2 months), bouncing them on our legs was a good way of keeping them calm.
• Turn Off the Lights: I read somewhere that night time fussiness is sometimes the product of over-stimulation during the day. When they'd get super fussy at night, we'd combine the running water with low light as a calming tool.
• Walking/Dancing Them: For who knows what reason, our boys tended to want to be higher up. You could do the exact same shushing and bouncing while standing that you were doing on the couch, and it was twice as effective when you were standing up.

Good luck! And if all else fails, remember that catch phrase that got me through: "They can't cry themselves to death". Also, it won't last forever.

Travels with Twins: Infant Road Trip Edition

We have braved the wilds of traveling with young twins, and I have lived to tell the tale! While traveling might seem like the last thing you want to do with newborn babies, there are some benefits to traveling when they’re still pretty young. For us, we just wanted to take the boys to see their great grandparents in Arkansas before Thanksgiving when they’ll be a year old and that infant cuteness will have almost given way to toddler insanity.

From our trip, here are some tricks that helped us. Please note that this is not “advice” per se. I’m not a travel expert, doctor, parenting expert, or driving expert, so please don’t regard my commentary as such. I’m just commenting on what worked for us.

First, you have to decide when you’re going to go. Many people suggest traveling overnight, but we figured this might make us both sleep deprived and make the traveling unsafe. We wanted to be as safe as possible with such precious cargo, so we decided to drive during the day. Our boys love car rides, even just around town, and they are great sleepers in the car. This obviously isn’t true of all babies, so that could have a big effect on when/if you travel. To make sure the during the day trip would work, we did a “test trip” a few weeks before we planned to take the plunge. We put the boys in the car and drove to a location about 3-4 hours away, and then returned home on the same day. This was really helpful, as it gave us an idea of what to expect and what we could improve about our travel strategy.

As we prepared for the big launch day, we did a few things to gear up. First, we purchased bottled, premade formula. We usually make our formula from powder, but we felt it was worth the extra money to have less hassle while on the road and in other people’s homes. We also purchased an extra bottle drying rack and bottlebrush. In the days leading up to the trip, we tried to use up all the pumped breast milk in the fridge so that we wouldn’t have to take it with us on the road, and it wouldn’t go bad sitting in the fridge during our absence.

My Granny with Malcolm

The night before the trip, we put the boys to bed early so that we could get out in the morning before rush hour. Once the boys were down, we packed up the minivan ahead of time so that we could feed the boys in the morning and get right on the road. The second the boys finish eating, the clock begins ticking down to their next feed, so you don’t want to waste an hour packing up the car. Obviously there were a few things we couldn’t pack ahead of time (their beds, formula that can’t sit out in the cold, valuables like laptops, etc), but anything that could go in, did.

In the morning it was feed, pack the remaining stuff, and go! Once on the road, the boys slept almost without incident for the first 3-4 hour cycle. This was pretty consistent both on the test trip, the trip down there, and the trip home. Once the boys fussed and were clearly ready to eat, we pulled over and fed and changed them.

For feedings and changes, we tried to do everything in the car. Here’s my thinking behind that—gas station bathrooms are unreliable as far as space, cleanliness, etc. The last thing I wanted to do was cart a screaming, hungry baby into the bathroom of the local Citgo just to find a broken changing table covered with years of dried baby poop. While changing the boys in the car was tough, especially when they pooped, it kept us from having to have them out in the February cold, and it sped up the changing process. I just put our travel-changing pad on the driver’s seat and changed them while I sat in the passenger seat. To bottle feed the boys, the husband and I would each take a baby and a bottle, and sit in the front seat with them. It was a little cramped and uncomfortable, but we liked the privacy in case the boys started screaming or spitting up.

My Grandma with Brendan

Once back on the road, the boys were always a little more restless the second 3-4 hour cycle. They’d nod off for a little bit, then wake back up and look around, and then get a little fussy…and this cycle would repeat itself a few times. To soothe them while we were driving, we did a few things. First, we would shake their car seats in the bases. Again, I’m not sure that this is safe to do, but my friend used to do it and it’s remarkable how well it works. We just pushed against the car seat and kind of shook it back and forth. This usually bought us some time. Another trick we used, which was probably awful for our tires and scared the crap out of other drivers, was to intentionally drive on the safety grooves along the side of the highway. These grooves are there to wake up drivers who fall asleep and start to go off the road, but the vibrations they create seemed to be pretty soothing to the boys. Lastly, I played white noise through the car’s sound system as loudly as possible, and shifted the audio to the rear of the car so that my husband and I could still talk. This one wasn’t as effective, but it couldn’t hurt, right?

To pump while driving (while I was the passenger of course), I luckily have a pump with pretty strong battery life. If the battery had gone low, I also purchased on A/C adapter for the car. It was pretty cheap on Amazon, but I never had to use it, so I really can’t review it. When the milk was pumped, I stored it in a Munchkin Cool Wrap bottle bag that I bought at Target. It stores up to three 8 oz bottles, and it kept them relatively cold. I’d use them in the next feeding as well so that they didn’t sit in the cooler for more than 4 hours.

Boys chilling on the passenger seat in Southern Illinois

We shockingly were able to do the 667 mile trip with only two stops, but as I said, our boys love the car. Before babies, this trip used to take us about 10 hours, and it took about 12.5 hours this time. It was a little tough, but not impossible by any stretch of the imagination, and I’d definitely do it again.

As far as the destination itself, we stayed with family, so I have no experience with hotels and babies. Staying with family makes things easier because you have more space and access to a fridge, sink, etc, but it also makes it a little harder because you’re worried about the little ones bothering your family with their fussiness or early morning wailing. Luckily, the boys were pretty obliging and so was our family. The only other struggle about being away from your house with little ones is the lack of swings, bouncers, activity gyms, etc where you are going. We did a lot of blanket-on-the-floor, which was fine. If the boys needed a little swinging, we would put them in their car seat and rock it manually.

Wondering what a packing list looks like with three-month-old twins? Well, here it is:

• 2 Rock n Plays
• 72 count box of diapers
• Extra Wipes
• 6 six packs of formula
• Breast pump and accessories
• Bottles
• Bottle drying rack
• Bottle brush
• Diaper bag
• Suitcase with baby clothes and swaddles
• My suitcase
• Husband’s suitcase
• Jogging Stroller (should’ve left this at home)
• Snap n Go Stroller
• 2 Baby Carriers
• 2 Car seats
• Bottle cooler bag
• Baby detergent

All in all, traveling wasn’t as stressful as I thought it might be. As long as you plan well and have a little help where you’re headed, there’s no reason that you can’t take your little ones out and about, especially once they’re sleeping through the night. Just plan ahead, be flexible, be safe, and have fun!

Our Journey: The Third Month

Malcolm and his attempt at thumb sucking

With each passing day the boys become more responsive, interactive , and just an all around joy. Don't get me wrong, they still do plenty of yelling, crying, and spitting all over us, but it's definitely becoming more manageable.

As the third month began, we started seeing greater neck control, and as a result the boys liked to be held in a sitting position on our legs. This lent itself to more active forms of soothing such as bouncing on our legs, and as a result the pacifier is rarely seen now at the end of the third month. Right now the pacifier is occasionally helpful at night, but around the middle of the third month the boys began to find their hand, and sometimes they even find their thumb. This has helped them to occasionally soothe themselves, although they're not all the way there yet in their coordination.

Also as a product of better neck control, we were able to get the bouncer set up for them around the middle of the third month. At first they really could only use it while we kind of watched their head and neck, but now they're pretty independent with it. They're still too little to bounce with their legs, but they still seem to enjoy fidgeting in it so that they rock and bounce slightly.

Brendan chilling in the bouncer

Smiles are a great benefit of this age. They now smile and coo with remarkable frequency, and it's almost always in reaction to external stimulation. This makes everything that much cuter and that much more rewarding.

As parents, we've been developing and branching out as well. We tried to transition the boys into their cloth diapers, which was a profound failure. They went through about ten outfits in 24 hours, and we put the issue on the back burner until they get a little bigger.

In the later part of the month I did a couple of shorter shifts at work before transitioning back to full time in early March. We also took the babies on a road trip to see their great grandparents in Arkansas. It was quite the feat of bravery on our part, and I'll post something on this specifically later this week.

Our final big milestone of the month is that we got Malcolm to sleep on his own in the crib one night kind of without incident which shocked the heck out of us! We didn't make a permanent transition yet because of the trip, but we plan on getting them both in to their own room in month four. I'll miss them being in our room though. There's something so comforting about hearing their breathing (and mildly creepy sleep-laughing) as you fall asleep. It's weird to think that there are already things that they're outgrowing--clothes, beds, and even titles. At 3 months old and just as plump and bright eyed as ever, they're now officially infants and the newborn phase is over forever!

And then the real one.

A silly one...

Becoming A Parent: How Having Kids Has Changed Me

How many of us have heard the old axiom “having kids changes everything”? Of course you have. It’s chanted by young parents in that annoying, condescending voice that all childless twentysomethings secretly despise. As a childless twentysomething myself, I can remember hearing this one from friends, family, random strangers, and thinking “Give me a break; get off your cross”, but now, standing on the other side, I will say that this common parental mantra isn’t a complaint or an act of superiority-doused condescension…it’s just the darned truth. I always assumed that by “everything”, new parents meant that their sleep schedules, habits, etc were altered, and don’t get me wrong, they are, but I think the bigger point to consider is that having kids changes people in a very personal way, and everyone reacts to it differently. I don’t think that I could have predicted the biggest and most fundamental effects it’s had on me.

I'm even shooshing Brendan! lol.

1. I’m a Quieter, Gentler Me
No one who knows me would describe me as quiet. In fact, anyone reading this who knows me is probably in cardiac arrest at the mere suggestion of me becoming more docile. Someone send an ambulance. Truthfully though, having the boys around makes me want to channel my inner monk. I don’t know what it is; maybe it’s that babies make enough noise at is without me contributing, but I have been so much more relaxed in my behavior since we got home from the hospital. It’s not that I don’t get worked up and loud, it’s just that it happens less often and over fewer things. I guess maybe I worry that the boys will sense my agitation and reciprocate with a little agitation—the last thing this household needs—so I just try to keep it mellow in the hopes that they will return the favor. So, in short, I’m not saying that my award winning moral outrages or high volume tirades are entirely gone, but expect to see them as far less regular visitors.

2. I Don’t Procrastinate
I was the queen of procrastination. 95% of the time things got done on time, but by the skin of my teeth and not without a few sleepless nights. But since November 16th? Forget about it. Almost from the minute we came home, I found myself doing things the minute I got a free…well…minute. The bills? Paid on time. My report card comments for work? Done the earliest they have been in four years of teaching. The dishes? Never sitting in the sink for more than 24 hours. Before babies, I could afford to put things off. If I came home with four hours of grading to do, I knew that I could wait until 7pm to start it. Nothing was going to just come up to prevent me from working on it from 7pm until 11pm straight. Now? If I don’t do the dishes while one baby is napping in the swing and my husband is holding the other baby, when will I do them? I can’t guarantee that another hands-free opportunity will present itself, so I’m forced to seize every free moment and get things done as soon as the opportunity presents itself. I’m really impressed with my ability to kick procrastination to the curb; I just wish I’d done it years ago.

3. I Maintain “Routines”
I always hated the idea of “routines”.  I never understood why people always went to the gym at the same time every single day, or had an order for their morning grooming activities. I just did things as needed, when they made sense, and when I had time. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever had a standard routine when it comes to any aspect of my life. But now, much for the same reason that I’ve stopped procrastinating, routines have begun to dominate my life. When I wake up, I go through the same steps in the same order to get the morning feeding ready, set up my breast pump, grab the remotes, and get the baby on his bottle. After he’s done? I get him down in the pack n play for a few minutes while I wash dishes and eat breakfast. At night? I put the boys to bed after consuming the same amount of formula every night, and once they’re down I do dishes and then sit on the couch and drink a single beer. It’s so routine it’s scary. Sometimes the beer is a glass of chocolate milk, but that’s about as “wild” as it gets.

Now you may be thinking “but I already do all of those things, so therefore this whole parenting changes you things is totally not applicable to me”, but I believe that everyone has their own reactionary changes that they will experience that can be neither predicted nor prepared for. I’d say the same is even true of grandparents. I don’t think my father, who has always been a serious workaholic, had any idea that he would adore being a grandparent as much as he does. I’ve honestly hardly ever seen him value something so much in my entire life and, heck, I’m his daughter.

So, yes, the axiom is true, and I’m sure all my friends without kids who bemoaned the breeders with me at this time last year are all like “you’ve betrayed us! Traitor!”. But changed doesn’t necessarily mean improved, and it certainly doesn’t mean that other life events don’t also have a monumental impact. This is just one of those life events, and once you’re there, I think you’ll be surprised at what you look like in the vestments of parenthood. I know I am.

Bottle Feeding 411

We started bottle feeding exclusively when our boys were 3.5 weeks old and never looked back. If you’re interested in why we made the choice we did, check out the post here.

Since the transition, it’s been admittedly difficult to keep up with supply, but the boys are still able to have around 67% of their diet come from breast milk, which is great. I’ve learned to pump while I’m bottle feeding one of the boys so as to not waste time, and 11 weeks in, I’m still happy with the decision that we made.

Bottle feeding, as much as I love it, just isn’t as straight forward as breast feeding. I read plenty of blogs and sections of books, and grilled my pediatrician with questions. Below I want to give you a run down of how I bottle feed and what accessories I use to make the process easier.

Bottles & Bottle Accessories:

We opted to go with glass bottles because I’m sort of phobic about plastic and chemicals contained therein. That being said, I don’t use exclusively glass. I have a few plastic Medela bottles, and I’m actually glad that I have them because they’re much easier to transport when I have to pump on the go. Also, the one drawback of glass bottles is that they tend to break if dropped, which is super irritating and a pain to clean up when you have a screaming baby/babies. That being said, I still prefer them.

As far as which type, it’s kind of irrelevant for me because I don’t use the nipples that come with the bottles. When I tried to use those nipples, milk poured all over the lower half of my babies’ faces. Instead, I use the Enfamil slow flow disposable nipples and just disassemble and rewash them for multiple uses. I don’t know if this is their intended use, so I’m not condoning it; I’m just saying that it’s what we’ve done and what has worked for our boys.

We have Doc Brown's bottles and Easy Flow bottles. I don’t really prefer one over the other, as I said, but I guess if pressed I would say that the Doc Brown’s 4 ounces are the better 4 ounce bottles and the Easy Flow 8 oz are the better 8 ounce bottles, but honestly, it doesn’t matter. I would suggest getting a number of both 4 ounce and 8 ounce sizes though. I prefer to pump into the 4 ounce sizes because I don’t make enough to necessitate the bigger, more cumbersome 8 ounce bottles. I also liked the 4 ounce better for feeding them when they were little because they only took 4 ounces or less per feeding. Now I use the larger size when mixing formula because I often offer them 6 ounces of formula at formula feedings. I’d say getting 5-10 of each per baby makes sense, maybe a few more if you are unable to do dishes a couple of times a day.

When it comes to bottle care and storage, I use the Munchkin drying rack and the Munchkin bottle brushes. The drying rack is small and functional. My only issue is that because it’s collapsible, the back row for bottles sometimes tilts or falls if I load it up with 8 ounce bottles. You definitely need a bottle drying rack though; bottles and nipples just don’t dry well on a standard drying rack. As far as the munchkin brushes, they’re fine, but if you’re exclusively bottle feeding, they do wear out quickly. When they wear out, be careful because the wire can scratch your bottles. I say just buy about half a dozen and plan to replace them every six weeks.  Also, buy one for your diaper bag. You’ll need it when you go to people’s houses because bottles and nipples are next to impossible to clean with a traditional sponge.

In the labeling department, it’s certainly important to label bottles before you put them in the fridge. You can buy labels, but I find that to be a waste of money. Instead, I just cut up small pieces of paper and attach them to the bottles with scotch tape. I include date and time of pumping as well as amount on each label which makes it easily to quickly grab the amount you need.

Pumping:

To pump, we use the Medela Symphony which we rent from the hospital at I believe $60 per month? I like it because it’s efficient and powerful, but it gets a C- for portability. It has a carrying case that is about the size of a cat carrier, so I’m going to look kind of silly carting it into and out of work everyday. Still, it doesn’t fail for portability because the battery life is pretty decent and it has a handle. I’ve pumped in the passenger seat of the car a few times with no problem whatsoever. For twins, I need the power of a hospital grade pump, but others might find this pump to be more than they need.

As far as breastshields go, I have the one piece shields as well as the two piece shields. At first I liked the two piece ones better because they’re easier to use with a pumping bra, but I’ve changed my tune. The one piece shields are a little more annoying to insert into the pumping bra, but they make up for it by never allowing a bottle to fall off and break. With the one piece shields, you could literally do jumping jacks while pumping and your bottles wouldn’t fall off. To me, that puts them solidly on top. Whichever type you pick, have a few extra sets lying around. This keeps you from having to do dishes every three hours. I have three pairs.

The most important pumping item I have, though, is my Simple Wishes hands-free pumping bra. I have three, and I’ll probably buy a couple more. I don’t know how anyone pumps without a hands-free bra. I was kind of worried about sizing since I have a pretty big chest, but the L/XL/XXL works fine for me, and it could be adjusted to be even roomier.

Formula:

For the first month of bottle feeding, I relied solely on the Enfamil Newborn 2 ounce Nursettes for supplementing. This is what they used in the NICU, so that’s what the hospital sent us home with, and that with which we were most familiar. The benefit of them is that they don’t need to be mixed or measured. They are ready to use—all you have to do is shake them, unscrew the lid, and screw on a nipple. We used them because they’re the safest, especially for fragile newborn digestive systems, but they are also disturbingly expensive. For the first few months, we felt it was worth it because we only needed to supplement 4-8 ounces per day, but now that the boys are older and we need to supplement about twenty ounces a day, this is no longer financially responsible as a daily practice. We do, however, keep a few around for the diaper bag.

We now use the Target brand powdered delicate stomach formula and have no complaints. In order to make mixing and preparing easier, we bought the Baby Brezza water pitcher, which keeps water at a consistent 98 degrees for mixing formula quickly and easily. This is one of my best baby purchases thus far. The device is immensely easy to operate and does what it says it will do. The kettle glows either red or blue to indicate whether the water is ready, which actually kind of makes it a pretty piece of décor rather than a necessary eyesore. It keeps me from having to premake bottles every morning, and I highly recommend it.

When it comes to water for mixing, I’ve been buying nursery water in gallon jugs, but I plan to stop soon and use our Brita filter instead. Nursery water honestly isn’t ridiculously expensive though, so I don’t think it matters either way.

Our Journey: The Second Month

Malcolm on Christmas

The second month was when we really started to fall into a better stride as parents. Adjusting to two babies is really tough, but it gets easier and more natural every single day.

One of the things that made the second month more manageable than the first month was that the boys began to sleep through the night at 5.5 weeks. I talk more about the process and the tools we used to help us in another post which you can read here. Once the boys started sleeping through the night, they consistently slept 6-8 hours a night with only a couple of bad nights, and we feel tremendously blessed to have such good little sleepers.

Once the boys started sleeping at night, they became more wakeful during the day. With this wakefulness, came both good and bad. There were, of course, the fussy nights of screaming and almost constant eating, but with more wakefulness also came more of the good stuff. Around 5-6 weeks they began cooing and making vowel noises, and they also began smiling in reaction to things. By the end of the month, they've begun laughing in their sleep, and we can't wait to see that became part of their waking repertoire.

Brendan on Christmas

At 6 weeks we started using the baby carrier more often, and found it was a great tool for curing the nighttime fussiness and for enabling us to get some stuff done around the house. Greg even put both the boys in the twin carrier and did laps around the coffee table while watching basketball. Parenthood is certainly a test of one's multitasking skills.

A highlight of their second months was their first Christmas which they spent with both sides of the family. It was the longest we'd been away from home with them, but throughout the month we got better and better at doing changes on-the-go, and getting packed up to go out.

In the second month we were even able to get a little time for ourselves. At 6 weeks, we dropped the boys off with my husband's parents and went out to dinner just the two of us. At 8 weeks we were able to do it again. It's not easy leaving them, but were very lucky to have so many loving people available to take care of the boys.

Overall, I think we found a stride in the second month and things are beginning to feel more under control. And the best part is that now the boys make little noises and smile all the time, so it's good to know they're so happy! Further evidence that they're growing? The pictures below were about a thousand times easier to capture than their one month picture.

Review: Double Snap-n-Go Stroller

Before the boys were born, we registered for two strollers--a Baby Trend double snap-n-go stroller for when they were little and still in their car seats and a city mini double stroller for when they're older. We haven't broken out the city mini yet, but we frequently use the snap-n-go for shopping and walks, and we've been generally pretty impressed with it.

Overall, the snap-n-go is a pretty simple frame stroller into which you place your car seats. We have Graco Snugride 30 car seats, and they do make a small snap when placed into the frame, but don't expect the same loud and secure snap you have when you put the car seats in their car bases. For extra security, there are straps that buckle together over the car seats once they're in place. When you're setting up the stroller, be careful to keep the straps on the outside of the frame, or they'll get caught and you'll have to collapse the stroller to free them.

As far as portability and ease of use, the stroller is pretty easy to set up and fits in the trunk of my husband's Pontiac G6 with room left over for the diaper bag and a few bags of groceries. Sometimes it's a little tough to get the second car seat in and out, but it just takes a second or two. It's also more difficult right now because we have covers over the seats for warmth.

When it comes to function, the snap n go is good for light day to day use, but I certainly wouldn't take it on any mountain hikes. It's not very maneuverable, but it's not a problem for walks around a neighborhood with sidewalks or a trip to the grocery store. Just don't expect it to turn on a dime. Also, the length of the stroller makes it a little cumbersome, especially when going through doors by yourself. When I have to go out on my own, I end up pulling the stroller through doorways by one of the car seat handles while standing in front of the stroller. It's a little annoying, but I hear the new model is a stadium seating setup which should minimize this problem.

The stroller is simple and doesn't have many bells and whistles, but the cup holders are nice, and the basket underneath is enormous, but not exceptionally accessible. I use it all the time at the grocery store and Target, but you couldn't get a diaper bag in and out of it without removing the car seats.

Overall, we are happy with the purchase. We probably won't use this once they can get in the city mini, but it's perfect for this young age when you don't want to wake them up by taking them out of their car seats to put them in their stroller. I think this is definitely one item that should make every twin registry.

30 Days in a Rock n Play: Fighting the Sleep Battle

As I've said before, sleep was a nightmare when the boys first came home from the hospital. They wouldn't sleep in their cribs or in the pack n play, and so my husband and I switched off sleeping for the first 2.5 weeks, plus we had family and friends helping us out almost constantly.

At 2.5 weeks, my Fisher Price Rock n Play sleepers arrived from Amazon. I'd read reviews calling these things miracles and "must-haves", but I was reserving my judgement until I tried them out for myself. But, thankfully, the reviews did not disappoint. On the first night we tried them, the boys, who had previously almost refused to sleep on anything but a person, fell asleep almost instantly in them and slept for hours.

I figured it surely was a fluke; this couldn't last. But it did. The boys would sleep in the Rock n Plays every night. Usually they fell asleep quite quickly, especially once we started giving them a bigger bottle before bedtime. They were routinely sleeping 3-4 hour stretches, and it usually wasn't a tremendous struggle to get them back down once they were fed (although we of course had our occasional 3 am scream fests). If they had trouble going down, giving them their pacifiers, rocking them, or placing a hand on their chests, hands, or back usually did the trick. There's even a nice little ridge at the head of the Rock n Play where we keep their pacifiers for easy access.

Malcolm in his swaddle

On Night #20, Brendan was really difficult to put down, so I decided to attempt swaddling again (we stopped early on because they really seemed to hate it). I used the Summer SwaddleMe Blanket, and what do you know? The darned kid slept for almost 6 hours straight. After that night, we started swaddling both of them every night, and even their least sleepy night since was still around 5 hours. Routinely, they're sleeping 6-7 hours a night. I'm stunned.

While obviously our babies just have good sleeping genes, and not all babies will sleep through the night if you do the exact same things we did, I attribute their success to a few key tools and elements of our nightly routine. In addition to the two most important tools listed above (the swaddlers and the Rock n Plays), I'd say that getting them nice and full before bed has helped. We have to supplement my pumped milk with a few ounces of formula per day anyway, so we've been giving them that little bit of formula with their bedtime feeding. Formula metabolizes more slowly, so they take longer to get hungry again. I'd also say that keeping the nighttime feeding dark and quiet has helped, but they might not even notice that yet. The boys also seem to sleep best when they're put down between 11pm and 12am. Our shorter sleeping nights tend to be when they're put down after 1am.

Brendan giving a fist of approval

I recently recommended the Rock n Play to a friend whose daughter is 2.5 weeks younger than our boys. After one night in it, she texted me and was singing the sleeper's praises. She'd been using a co-sleeper, but they got longer stretches almost instantly with the Rock n Play. It seems that most people really have great results, as it has excellent reviews on Amazon.

The only negative I've heard about the Rock n Play is that some people blame it for giving their kid flat spots on their head. I just try to hold the boys more during the day to counteract the harder surface of the Rock n Play. I also plan to just have my pediatrician pay extra attention to their heads at monthly appointments, and hopefully it'll all be just fine. I also plan to move them to their cribs around 3 months, so that might help. I know that Fisher Price makes a more "deluxe" version of the Rock n Play with more head padding if the flat spot thing spooks you though. For me, the extra padding actually just makes me nervous about other things like SIDs, so I stuck with the basic one.

Overall, we've been very blessed in the sleep department, and I thank my lucky stars. I cannot sing the Rock n Play's praises enough. It will be my go-to shower gift from now on regardless of whether the person is registered for it or not! If you're about to fall over from weeks of screaming babies at 3am, I highly recommend this purchase.

A chart of their sleep progress over 30 nights in their Rock n Plays. This charts their first period of sleep in each night. Night #21 was the first night when they both wore swaddles.

Feeding Babies: What I've Chosen and Why

For the first three weeks of life, my boys breastfed. I dutifully sat on the couch with my double breastfeeding pillow and the boys worshiped lovingly at the alter of boob. It was nearly a full time job--sometimes the boys were on the breast for five hours a day, but they were happy and so was I.

Three weeks after we came home from the hospital, the boys started getting really fussy at night. I read about cluster feeding, and that it was normal for babies to be hungrier and moodier from 6-10 pm. Every time they'd fuss, I'd put them to breast, but one night, as they howled even after they were put to breast multiple times, I burst into tears as well. My breasts felt...dry. I just knew that my babies were hungry and I wasn't giving them enough. So, in spite of all articles cautioning you not to do this, I gave the squaking boy some formula...and the crying--both mine and his--instantly stopped.

The next morning I started pumping...exclusively. As I began pumping, I began to notice some mathematics that explained why the boys were not always satisfied after feedings. First of all, my right breast was producing 10-25% less at each session, which explained why the baby I was feeding on my right breast was always seemingly hungrier and fussier than his brother. I know you're supposed to rotate twins on breasts for this exact reasons, but one of my boys had a lot of trouble latching on the other side.

Also, as I tracked my output and their consumption, I found that I was producing about 3-5 oz less per day than the babies seemingly needed. Knowing this gave me the option to supplement with a minimal amount of formula in addition to my expressed breast milk.

Having now done both breastfeeding and pumping/supplementing, I can say that each had their positives and negatives. For me, these are..

Breastfeeding positives...
-sense of closeness with babies
-once they're latched, the potential to have both hands free is there
-doesn't involve any expensive or cumbersome equipment
-can be done at the drop of a hat, no need to heat up a bottle or screw on a nipple.
-some research suggests that fresh breast milk is better for baby than that which comes out of the fridge

Breastfeeding negatives...
-nipple pain became a real issue
-leakage from one breast while baby was feeding on the other soaked all of my clothing and made me smell and feel unclean...especially during a time when showers aren't plentiful
-having to cover up around people is a pain
-you don't know how much the baby is getting
-only you can feed them
-feedings some times took over 30-40 minutes per baby

Pumping/supplementing positives...
-anyone can be involved in feeding which aids with both giving mom a little flexibility, and helping dad and others to bond with baby
-nipple discomfort is less than with breastfeeding
-feeding in public is easier and more discreet
-hands-free bra makes pumping easy to do while feeding the baby with a bottle simultaneously
-you know how much the baby is getting
-makes going back to work an easier transition

My dried out skin after 2 weeks of pumping and washing bottles

Pumping/supplementing negatives...
-cost of bottles, nipples, pump, etc is obviously higher than the $0 cost of breast feeding
-dishes. By far the worst part of pumping. We don't have a dishwasher, so my hands are literally raw to the point of bleeding because of the constant scrubbing.
-takes a little (but not much) set up time
-I've read that the pump can't keep your supply as high as a baby can. I rent a hospital grade pump, though, so maybe that's better?
-storage can be a bit tricky, especially on the go

Point is, there are good sides to both. For me, I really like being able to track how much the boys are consuming. I also really value having my husband be a part of the feeding process. When we were breastfeeding, I always felt like he had to play the "bad cop" role as diaper man, and never got to enjoy their milk-drunk cuteness. We've always been equal partners as a couple, and this seemed like the best decision to help all four of us bond together.

A graph of the babies' consumption and my production since I began pumping

Whatever you decide, remember that any decision is a good one so long as you're thinking of your baby. I think formula gets this horrible reputation, at least in my granola, liberal suburban neck of the woods it does, but there are plenty of great arguments for formula as well. Formula is definitely not poison, and in the end I think it's best to do whatever makes the most sense for your family, your baby, and your situation. Not everyone can or should feel like they have to breastfeed for 12 months. Just take care of yourself and your baby and you'll be fine!

Our Journey: The First Month

I go into detail on the first 2.5 weeks in an earlier post which you can read here. Long story short? Lots of tears, very little sleep. It was pure survival mode, and it was more difficult than I ever thought it could be.

But then...like some kind of magical, baby-whispering chariot of the gods...our Rock n' Play sleepers arrived from Amazon. I'll rave about these in greater detail in a later review-style post, but for now let me just say that they absolutely saved our little family. We've been using them for almost two weeks now, and they've enabled us to get on a schedule, as tenuous as it might be.

With the help of the rock n' plays, we started sleeping at night shortly before the boys reached three weeks old. We'd put them down in their sleepers sometime between 8 and 11pm, and we'd go to bed, too. Every 3 hours or so they wake up, we change them, feed them, and then repeat the cycle. By morning, we have about 6-8 hours of sleep...so long as it all goes well, but keep in mind that that sleep is extremely interrupted. Likely none of it is deep or REM sleep, but at least all four of us are asleep and awake on almost the same schedule.

Once the boys started sleeping at night with us though, they started to be more wakeful during the day. This is way more fun in a lot of ways, as they look around more and make eye contact. At the same time, it makes it more difficult to hold both of them at the same time or set them down for extended periods of time. We've enjoyed cuddling with them all day though, and I'm lucky to have a husband who can spend so much time helping.

When the boys were at 3.5 weeks, I noticed that they seemed hungrier and I felt like I wasn't adequately meeting their needs with exclusively breastfeeding. I switched to pumping and supplementing with a few ounces of formula per day. So far, I've been liking this a lot more. It's nice to be able to mathematically track how much they're getting, it's nice for my husband to be able to join in on feedings (and the bonding that accompanies them), and they seem more satisfied, especially at night. We'll see what the future brings, but for now I'm loving the pump I rented from the hospital.

Another new development has been that we've started going out more in the last week of their first month. We took the boys to Zoo Lights at Lincoln Park Zoo and we were super impressed with how sleepy and well behaved they were. They really seem to enjoy car rides. We also have been going on longer and longer walks as my body heals. We even took the boys to a local pizza joint for a quick slice, although we'll likely be avoiding real restaurants for a while. Today, on their one month birthday, we took them to a friends' house for the first time and did our first out-and-about feeding and change. I was very impressed at how well it went!

 All in all, all four of us have come so far in the past month, and it feels like it's been a heck of a lot longer than that. It's hard to think of a time when they weren't a part of our world.

Happy One Month Birthday, Double Rainbows!!!!

Review: Twin Breastfeeding Pillow

We took a twin breastfeeding class at 33 weeks, and the instructor showed us a double breastfeeding pillow. I'd seen such things prior to the class and always made fun of them (they kind of look rediculous and they're a little pricey for a freaking pillow), but after the class I started thinking it might not be the worst purchase in the world.

I bought the very stylish cheetah print pattern (much to my husband's chagrine). I planned to use it right away in the hospital, but breastfeeding was kind of rough going for the first few days, so I didn't want to add another new element to the mix.

Once I got home, however, this pillow was one of the best purchases I made for the babies. While I'm still working on making tandem feeding a regular practice, it would be almost impossible without the double pillow. More importantly though, the double pillow makes it possible for me to hold both of them at the same time without both of my arms breaking off. It gives me a place to rest one baby safely while I'm feeding the other. It would be way more difficult to care for both of the boys by myself if I hadn't made this purchase. It also gives me a place to set my laptop while the boys are sleeping on me. Thanks to this pillow, I was able to do a project for work while holding both boys when they weren't even two weeks old!

The pillow also has a privacy cover that goes over your neck. My chest is pretty big, so there's still a lot of skin showing on the sides, but it's a nice feature for when we have less familiar company over.
Another feature of the pillow is a back rest and back strap, but I'm not thin enough to use it yet. Using the pillow on the couch satisfies the back support need though.

The pillow we bought is available for $69.99 on Amazon.com in a variety of colors.

Our Journey: The First Two Weeks at Home

Yesterday marked two weeks of being at home with our boys. It feels like a heck of a lot longer than that, however, because we have been through such a variety of emotions, sleep schedules, etc.

When we first got home, I was living under the delusion that the boys would go down in their crib and sleep for 2-3 hours at a time between feedings without a hitch. It didn't take long, less than 12 hours to be exact, to discern that this was a fantasy. Once swaddled and set down in the empty, cold, gaping expanse of their very expensive and fancy crib, the boys would pause for mere minutes before exploding into screams. Sitting in the recliner with two sleeping babies on my chest, I began sobbing to my husband. Neither of us had slept in 18 hours, and the night before that had been 5-6 hours of sleep. What were we going to do?

Enter my mother, swooping in like some kind of super hero. A few hours later, cue my dad, galloping in on a white steed. A few hours after that, cue the in-laws, coming over in the middle of the night like two free night nurses. My parents had to cancel their travel plans for Thanksgiving, which I cried some more about and apologized for profusely. On top of the very palpable baby blues I felt during those first days at home, I also cried because I felt helpless. I was a little like a baby myself: sleeping odd hours, eating erratically, and totally dependent on my parents for everything.

With the parents' help and the help of a few very close and dedicated friends, the first week was one of the most difficult things I've ever done, but it was still manageable. Sure, the boys wouldn't sleep on or in anything that didn't have a pulse, but if you have enough warm bodies, you can still get a bite to eat and the occasional nap. My sister in law helped us get to our first doctor's appointment, but by the end of the first week at home, my husband and I were able to get to the follow up doctor's appointment on our own.

As people began to go back to work following the Thanksgiving holiday and week one of being at home transitioned into week two, we had less and less help, but experience has helped to educate us. A friend helped us to set up the swing, and we brought the car seats in from the car to have extra places to set the boys down if needed. My husband and I began sleep cycling: he would sleep during the day, and I would sleep at night. It might be stressful for our relationship, but after almost ten years of companionship, we have the kind of bond that can withstand a few weeks of pulling and tugging.

Taking care of the babies by oneself is no small feet. Sure, there are times like right now when both boys are 100% knocked out on my chest and, while movement is entirely out of the question (and therefore so is going to the bathroom, showering, or eating), you can watch TV and surf the internet to your heart's content. However, there are other times when both babies are crying like banshees. They both need a diaper change at the exact same moment. One is hungry and the other one wants to be bounced. Whatever. There are a million scenarios in which two arms aren't enough, but you also don't want to wake up your sleeping partner. Maybe, selfishly, you don't want to wake them because when the shoe is on the other foot, you don't want to be woken up either.

Still, week two was substantially less nightmarish than week one. I had a schedule, awkward as it was. I had some alone time since we didn't need round the clock help, and I was much better rested. The temperature warmed for a few days during the second week, and we were able to get out for a few walks, which the boys enjoyed immensely. They enjoyed them so much, in fact, that they thanked us each time by sleeping soundly in the car seats for at least an hour or two after they returned from said walk. The walks were also nice for me because I was getting claustrophobic in our "cozy" two bedroom town home. I felt alive again; my post-surgery body was allowing me a more normal range of movement, even if I was only slowly hobbling a few blocks.

Near the middle of week two, I purchased rock n' play sleepers on the recommendation of a few women on thebump.com, and I obsessively checked the shipping status of my new baby accessories. I dreamed of sleeping at the same time as my husband, and having a companion during the day (because all four of us had slept in the night like actual human beings). The reviews of the sleepers on Amazon made them sound like some kind of miracle device, which sounded far too good to be true, but the optimist in me held out hope.

Yesterday, on the two week date of our return home from the hospital, we took the boys to their first movie. While our carefully scheduled sleeping regime had to suffer as a result, it was nice to be out and about. Malcolm slept soundly through the entire two hour film (we saw Breaking Dawn Part 2...ewww), and Brendan only woke up once, but was almost instantly soothed when I fed him and held him.

Everything was going wonderfully...until my husband had to go to his graduate class. I'd been alone with the boys plenty in the second week, so I figured I'd be fine. I put together the rock n' plays which arrived right as we got home from the movie and looked forward to a quiet night. Of course, this was the three hour window in which the boys decided to alternate between screaming and feeding over and over and over again. The cats attacked each other and then led a ground assault on the Christmas tree. I began worrying that I wasn't making enough milk because no matter how many times the boys fed, they just wanted more and more and more. I was crying; I was cursing. When my mom finally showed up after she got off of work, I was at my wit's end.

Like a good mom, she calmed me down and in doing so, calmed the boys. We put Brendan in the rock n' play and she held Malcolm while I napped. Later, after another feeding, I moved Brendan and his rock n' play up to the bedroom, and I slept in the bed. He was peaceful and so was I. At 1am, I fed them again and had my husband bring up the second baby and rock n' play "just as a test". The test worked wonderfully. Both babies slept in their rock n' plays for three hours while I slept in the bed. After the 4am feeding, my husband joined us. I thought it would be too good to be true, but the six of us--my husband, myself, the boys, and both cats--all slept like little angels until the 7am feeding.

Which brings us to now. We've been home for two weeks, but I can hardly remember life without the twins. Even though this is hard--like by far the most difficult test of strength I've ever endured--it's worth it. I love my sons, and I love being a mom. The past two weeks have showed me the strength of my relationships with family and friends, the strength of my love for my husband, and my own internal strength of self. I have moments of total, uncontrollable weakness, but after I melt, I put myself back into a solid state and carry on. Things will get easier; the last two weeks have proved that, but more than things getting easier, I think you just learn and improve with each passing day. We've come so far; goodness knows where we'll be by the time they're a month old.

Guidelines for Visiting New Parents

We've been home for almost two weeks, and in that time we've had many visitors. We're blessed with friends and family that are largely respectful and helpful, so we haven't had trouble, but I thought I'd put together a list of visitation rules to help friends and family of new parents. I know I didn't know some of this stuff until the last two weeks, and I wish I had. I could've been more of an asset to my friends who had kids before I did had I known.

1. Call Ahead and ASK: Whatever you do, don't show up unannounced. Hopefully this goes without saying. But even when you do call ahead of time, make sure that it's a request rather than a notification. For example, "would I be able to come by today?" is much more respectful than "I'm gonna stop by today". Give the couple a chance to say no if that's what they (and baby) need.
2. Be Punctual: If you say you're going to come at 4pm, show up at 4pm. The time set up by you and the new parents is likely based on a number of things (when they need help, when the baby will be asleep, when feedings are likely to be, etc). If you're half an hour late, you could throw off a very carefully crafted schedule and make your visit more of a burden than a help.
3. When in Doubt, Don't Come: If you're violently ill, you obviously wouldn't go pick up a new baby. But if you have the sniffles? a lingering cough? a sinus headache? You may think that your symptoms are benign, but it's better to be safe than sorry. When in doubt about your health at ALL, save your trip for another time.
4. Avoid the Doorbell: Sleeping babies (and more often, parents) don't need any extra noise in their lives. Try texting or calling when you're on your way, and someone can leave the door unlocked. If you have an extra key, text and say you're five minutes away and will let yourself in. If all else fails, knock softly first before you resort to ringing. I will say our doorbell is quite obnoxious though, so maybe this is just me.
5. Bring Something: Most people know this one, but it's very hard to get to the store with a newborn. Call the parents and ask what they would like. Don't just bring your favorite dish or something you had lying around. Obviously that's better than nothing, and anything is really appreciated, but ideally they may have necessities (or niceties) that would be appreciated more. Also, when it comes to food, items that can be consumed with one hand (sandwiches, wraps, burritos, etc) are preferable, especially for women who are nursing.
6. Take Away or Put Away Anything You Can: If you bring take out, take the garbage with you when you leave. If you bring groceries, put them in the fridge. If you use a plate, wash it. You've made a nice gesture by providing food/necessities to this new family, but don't saddle them with a chore as a result of your visit.
7. Wash your Hands: Those little babies have such new immune systems. Don't make a parent feel like a germaphobic jerk by having to ask you to do it; just swing by the sink before you pick up that precious little one.
8. Keep the Tone Relaxed: Being a new parent is anxiety-inducing. In the past two weeks, my average vocal volume has dropped by at least 50%, and we often listen to elevator music and ambient sounds to soothe the mood--something my punk/ska obsessed husband would never have engaged in a month ago. When you come over to a house with a new baby, keep your voice low and calm. Don't bring up topics about which you or the new parents will get overly angry or argumentative. This isn't the time for a political debate. If you're in a bad mood, stay home. Negative vibes are not needed in the home of a new child.
9. Let Sleeping Babies Lie: You're there to hold babies, but sometimes babies are asleep when you arrive. This will likely be the case, actually. Newborns often sleep 18 hours a day. If the baby is down, let he/she sleep. Sleep training a newborn is so difficult, and you can undo a lot of work/progress by scooping up a baby who might've just gone down in her crib for the first time. They're still just as cute when you watch them; you'll have plenty of chances to hold them.
10. Keep Your Kids at Home: Your kids are unbelievably awesome and cute. Unfortunately, they are also germy, loud, and destructive. These are not things anyone needs in the home of a new parent, even though they may love and miss your kids. Your kids will meet the babies soon enough. For now, leave them with a sitter if you want to come see the new arrivals, and wait until things are a little bit more settled to have those play dates.

What's The Goal?

During the four days we spent in the postpartum unit, we had a parade of nurses. One of them, a young Polynesian woman whose name I stupidly ignored, saw us a number of times. She was a bubbly, vibrant woman who kept things light during an obviously stressful time, and I appreciated her care more than I can say.

One of her mantras, which I took with me as we left the hospital, was "what's the goal for today?". On day two, the answer was "walk down to the NICU to see my son". On the fourth day the answer was "breastfeeding".

It seems relatively obvious, but this nurse was keeping me focused and moving forward. Postpartum, it's easy to get bogged down in all of the minutia and completely shut down. It's also easy to look too far ahead and get overwhelmed at the impossibility of getting from point a to point z. By setting a simple, daily goal, I was given a sense of purpose, and ultimately a sense of achievement when I achieved that goal. During a time when things seem an endless trail of diapers and feedings, having a goal breaks up the days and makes progress more noticeable.

So I ask you "what's the goal today?". Set something necessary and achievable--a shower, five mins of tummy time, getting the baby into the swing--and take pride when you achieve it.

Extra Help

When we were in the hospital, every nurse asked us if we "had help" once we were home. I nodded and told them that all four grandparents lived nearby, to which they seemed relieved.

Of course, when they said "help", I assumed they meant someone to bring us meals, do a load of laundry, hold the occasional baby. I did not, expect that the "help" the nurses were referring to would need to be nearly round the clock assistance for the first few weeks.

First of all, after the birth I was not physically capable of caring for the boys by myself because of the csection. If my husband was asleep, I couldn't bounce the boys for long periods of time or carry them upstairs to the changing table. Also, emotionally speaking, I needed some company. The "baby blues" was pretty intense and led to hourly bouts of crying and a persistent sensation of helplessness for the first week or more postpartum.

Most difficult in the beginning was that neither baby would sleep in a crib or really anywhere that wasn't a warm chest or lap. Because we refused to cosleep with our babies, this meant we needed at least two people to be awake and holding a baby at any given time. That's completely impossible with two people.

Even once my husband and I figured out how to care for both babies simultaneously while the other parent slept (a combination of swing sleeping and just manning up and holding both babies), we still needed extra hands to prepare and bring us food and to help with chores. Breastfeeding twins requires 3200 calories a day, and it's pretty difficult to get that in your body unless you have someone around to basically hand-feed you.

So, in summary, get help, and I don't mean the "aww!! I wanna hold your baby and chat with you!!" kind of help. Line up friends and family who you know you can be honest and demanding with, and be sure to pay with plenty of thank yous.

If you don't live near family, you can hire help, but that's obviously not cheap. I would encourage you to strongly consider flying a parent out to stay with you for a few weeks or going to stay with them. We stubbornly thought we'd be able to do this as a couple, but the first couple of weeks have really reinforced that it takes a village...especially with multiples.