Guidelines for Visiting New Parents

We've been home for almost two weeks, and in that time we've had many visitors. We're blessed with friends and family that are largely respectful and helpful, so we haven't had trouble, but I thought I'd put together a list of visitation rules to help friends and family of new parents. I know I didn't know some of this stuff until the last two weeks, and I wish I had. I could've been more of an asset to my friends who had kids before I did had I known.

1. Call Ahead and ASK: Whatever you do, don't show up unannounced. Hopefully this goes without saying. But even when you do call ahead of time, make sure that it's a request rather than a notification. For example, "would I be able to come by today?" is much more respectful than "I'm gonna stop by today". Give the couple a chance to say no if that's what they (and baby) need.
2. Be Punctual: If you say you're going to come at 4pm, show up at 4pm. The time set up by you and the new parents is likely based on a number of things (when they need help, when the baby will be asleep, when feedings are likely to be, etc). If you're half an hour late, you could throw off a very carefully crafted schedule and make your visit more of a burden than a help.
3. When in Doubt, Don't Come: If you're violently ill, you obviously wouldn't go pick up a new baby. But if you have the sniffles? a lingering cough? a sinus headache? You may think that your symptoms are benign, but it's better to be safe than sorry. When in doubt about your health at ALL, save your trip for another time.
4. Avoid the Doorbell: Sleeping babies (and more often, parents) don't need any extra noise in their lives. Try texting or calling when you're on your way, and someone can leave the door unlocked. If you have an extra key, text and say you're five minutes away and will let yourself in. If all else fails, knock softly first before you resort to ringing. I will say our doorbell is quite obnoxious though, so maybe this is just me.
5. Bring Something: Most people know this one, but it's very hard to get to the store with a newborn. Call the parents and ask what they would like. Don't just bring your favorite dish or something you had lying around. Obviously that's better than nothing, and anything is really appreciated, but ideally they may have necessities (or niceties) that would be appreciated more. Also, when it comes to food, items that can be consumed with one hand (sandwiches, wraps, burritos, etc) are preferable, especially for women who are nursing.
6. Take Away or Put Away Anything You Can: If you bring take out, take the garbage with you when you leave. If you bring groceries, put them in the fridge. If you use a plate, wash it. You've made a nice gesture by providing food/necessities to this new family, but don't saddle them with a chore as a result of your visit.
7. Wash your Hands: Those little babies have such new immune systems. Don't make a parent feel like a germaphobic jerk by having to ask you to do it; just swing by the sink before you pick up that precious little one.
8. Keep the Tone Relaxed: Being a new parent is anxiety-inducing. In the past two weeks, my average vocal volume has dropped by at least 50%, and we often listen to elevator music and ambient sounds to soothe the mood--something my punk/ska obsessed husband would never have engaged in a month ago. When you come over to a house with a new baby, keep your voice low and calm. Don't bring up topics about which you or the new parents will get overly angry or argumentative. This isn't the time for a political debate. If you're in a bad mood, stay home. Negative vibes are not needed in the home of a new child.
9. Let Sleeping Babies Lie: You're there to hold babies, but sometimes babies are asleep when you arrive. This will likely be the case, actually. Newborns often sleep 18 hours a day. If the baby is down, let he/she sleep. Sleep training a newborn is so difficult, and you can undo a lot of work/progress by scooping up a baby who might've just gone down in her crib for the first time. They're still just as cute when you watch them; you'll have plenty of chances to hold them.
10. Keep Your Kids at Home: Your kids are unbelievably awesome and cute. Unfortunately, they are also germy, loud, and destructive. These are not things anyone needs in the home of a new parent, even though they may love and miss your kids. Your kids will meet the babies soon enough. For now, leave them with a sitter if you want to come see the new arrivals, and wait until things are a little bit more settled to have those play dates.